Pooch Panic
by Here Kitty Kitty Kitty
Summary: 2nd Lieutenant deals with his Hayate issues... Rated T only for slight language.


**Just a little something I had to write for an assignment given to me by my counselor. She told me to write a story about a character who has panic attacks and I thought who better than Breda. I didn't want this story to go to waste so her it is. My counselor doesn't know ANYTHING about Fullmetal alchemist so if it seems that their names and ranks are in this at an annoying rate, that's why. Oh if these seems a little to crazy it's because I can't write a serious sounding story to save my life. Soooooo ON WITH THE STORY! **

2ND Lieutenant Heymans Breda was a big man. You'd think nothing would scare him. Lots of paperwork (Oh Lord). Sergeant Kain Fuery's clinginess (Well it was scary if you were the target). Warrant officer Vato Falman's mental encyclopedia of knowledge (He'll find you, you know he will). 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc's habit of smoking in enclosed spaces (No one wants lung cancer). Colonel Roy Mustang's laziness (More paperwork). 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's occasional trigger happy moods (Let's not dwell on Mother Nature's visits shall we). All of these things did not phase Breda in the slightest.

But there was one thing that terrified our friend everytime.

The name of such an evil creature you ask?

There is only one.

And it is…

BLACK HAYATE!

Yes that defenseless, black and white puppy was the only thing that made Breda piss his pants in fear. And that dear friends is where our story begins…

Breda had just walked through the doors leading to the courtyard area. After the amount of paperwork he had been doing, he was grateful to have a few moments of fresh air. He was startled when he heard something move in the bushes. He brushed it off thinking '_Probably just a raccoon…maybe it's looking for Feury.' _

Yes it seems that Sergeant Feury had started having trouble with the local Raccoon Mafia. Apparently borrowing money from them was worse then rebattling Father. But that's another story. A very long story.

But alas Breda was not so fortunate. Out popped a little black and white dog! Little Hayate walked out of the bushes chasing a white butterfly. Breda began shaking.

All the usual symptoms started. The constant shaking, the clammy hands, that itch you just can't scratch. Breda stopped and (quickly) thought '_Wait this isn't a Vagisil commercial'_ He resumed his previous terrified actions and...

Fainted. Just like all real men do.

A short time, we'll say an hour later, Breda awoke to the sound of panting above him. He opened his eyes cautiously and prayed it wasn't Major Armstrong. His eyes widened when he saw what was making the noise. Hayate was sitting on his chest. When the dog licked him Breda let out a colossal scream, jumped up, and ran as fast as he could. He didn't stop till he reached his superior's office.

Little did he know the Colonel was in a meeting with the almighty Fullmetal pipsqueak Edward Elric. Breda burst through the door and jumped onto Mustang's desk, holding up his pant legs up as if it was a skirt.

Mustang looked up in irritation, "What in the hell do you think you're doing Breda?"

"D-D-DOG!" He screeched.

Edward looked around Breda to Mustang, "Seriously?" He looked up at Breda, "Are you telling me that you are afraid of a DOG?"

Breda jumped into Mustang's lap, "IT WAS HORRIBLE! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN!"

Mustang, clearly having the oxygen squeezed out of him, tried to push him off, "Look lardass, there are only a handful of people I would allow on my lap and you are not one of them."

That exact moment is when Lieutenant Hawkeye decided to walk through the door, "Colonel?" she asked of the odd scene.

"She on the other hand is…" Mustang muttered, adding to his last comment.

Breda rolled off Mustang's lap, onto the floor, and crawled over to Hawkeye, "Riza… You gotta help me… Your dog… HE'S A MENACE!"

The normally calm Lieutenant just stared blankly at the man hugging her leg, "What?" She shook him off her leg, "You really need to get a hold of yourself Lieutenant Breda."

Breda, still on hands and knees, started shaking, "You… You just don't understand." He put his hand over his mouth, "Oh no, I'm gonna throw up. Oh no, no, no, n-"

He threw up. On Lieutenant Hawkeye's shoes.

Hawkeye's hand inched towards her gun as her eyes flew shut. Any hope of calmly and peacefully solving the situation was quickly and rapidly fading away.

Mustang and Edward ran out the door, screaming their heads off. Once they were safely behind the door, they thought it was necessary to listen in happenings on the other side, you know, in case Breda needed saving.

Not that they would save him.

The only things from the other side were the sounds of a firearm going off at a rapid pace, the girly screams from Breda, and the sound, YES THE SOUND, of Lieutenant Hawkeye's glare and a string of profanities. A few minutes after the noises ended, the Lieutenant walked out barefooted with a glare that could peel paint.

They tensed when she looked to them after closing the door, "Do not open this door till I return. I'm ending this."

The terrified duo watched as she stomped away. They didn't dare open the door. She walked back a few minutes with Hayate in one hand and a steak in the other. In one swift move she opened the door, threw in the dog and steak, and closed the door. A devious smile crept onto the Lieutenant's face as Breda started screaming in terror.

Edward felt the need to approach the subject first, "Lieutenant what are you-"

"Breda suffers from panic around dogs, "She started explaining, "So what a better way to confront it then head on."

Mustang scratched the back of his head, "Is that how you got over your fear of butterflies?"

"I DO NOT HAVE A FEAR OF BUTTERFLIES!" She screamed. She started walking away, "Call me if you hear anything other than screaming."

…

The next day the screaming had stopped but something else had begun. When Mustang, Hawkeye, and Edward opened the door they saw Breda sitting with the dog in his hands singing about what a pretty dog Hayate was.

The day after that Breda went into therapy. He hasn't been seen since.

**Before you ask: Yes I'm going to turn this into my counselor, No I don't know what her reaction will be, and No I have no idea what this has to do with panic attacks. The lieutenant doesn't have a fear of butterflies (maybe), but I thought it be funny. I was thinking about a string of one shots for Mustang's team, the next one would deal with Fuery and the Raccoon Mafia (Oh what fun), but I don't know about the others. Oh well. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
